the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
