the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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