Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
