Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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