I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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