I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
