Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
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Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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