i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize