literally had 100 drinks last night.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
