'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.