end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.