I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he thought i was a dude.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.