The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.