I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices