you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
