I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
