this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
