My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
