Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
