i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
