she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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