were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
