I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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