I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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