I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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