I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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