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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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