Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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