one might say we're banned from that church
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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