The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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