you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
