Jerry, you need to find god
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
