i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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