Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
