I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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