Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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