Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
