at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize