Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
