There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
