Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Randomize
