He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
