I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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