threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
