I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
