HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
