cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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