dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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