If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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