I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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