At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
