what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
