my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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