So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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