I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
