hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
