he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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