Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
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Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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