You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
