My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
