the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
