Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
