mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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