That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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