Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
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Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
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I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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