I think I won the penis lottery.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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