You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
