She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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